Flawed, yet plans to attain perfection.
Goddess in the making.
'91

It's like I really live in two lives-- one at home, and one outside of home.

Nobody at home knows what i actually do outside.
Nobody outside knows what really goes on behind closed doors.

sometimes i really don't know which life i'm more comfortable in. or which one is closer to my 'real' identity. how cheesy.
sometimes i wish both of them could integrate and live happily together. but then again, it never happened before. so why bother right.

I know I may be a year late but in the history of my JC education, my mother is finally allowed the option of not seeing my teacher because of my results. therefore, in the school's standards, I'm not (that) stupid anymore (wrt the Zakiah last year la).
My results could be so much better, but at the expense of doing exceptionally well for just one H1 subject, i managed to attain passes for (most) of my subjects. Albeit the unsatisfying grades, I'm just glad that the sleepless nights and countless cans of coffee paid of.
So right now i need to calculate the amount of sleep I'm planning to lose as well the cartons of coffee i need to stock up to get decent grades for the almighty promos.

Enough of school, daily routine has been mediocre and most of the times mentally draining. I keep reminding myself i have one and a half more years to go, just midway through this painful experience before i say goodbye to this disgustingly humid country. but what if i decide to stay behind? sigh future goes bleak once again.

ps living w/o a phone around is quite liberating i must say. nobody can order me around, ask me where i am and demand that i go home immediately. It's like being a phantom moving through the crowds. yay me I'm not a slave to technology.
But then again, I feel pretty backward most of the time and miss out on last minute occasions because my freinds and I are generally very last minute.

it's only the start of the term and I'm physically and mentally drained from my surroundings.
i hate it how uncertain the current situation is and the prospect of it getting better is next to none. dealing with helplessness and feeling so doubtful about my future is not my biggest strength.
the icing on this very crappy cake has got to be losing my phone. and knowing that soembody is in possession of it. and giving my friends missed calls and blanks smses.
knn cb.

If you have issues letting me go run errands alone for a measely 15minutes (with reason being my gender), how the hell do you expect to let me go abroad to pursue a degree for 4 whole years??

I really wonder.

At a specific time in our lives, we would reach a point where dangerous amounts of caffeine will be essential in our diets and time will always be our worst enemy. Coupled with what you call "distractions" that come in various places and forms.
That time usually comes when stress becomes inevitable and meeting the expectations made by instituitions and the society at large is deemed "neccessary". That time usually occurs in our path towards "adulthood" while "we prepare ourselves for the working world".

My time is now and I still think it's a pile of bullocks.

Thank god for YouTube and it's large Korean-obssessed community, supplying me with endless amounts of English-subbed videos to keep me excited over the smallest things. Like, oh I don't know, how amazing SS501 is! (#.#)
Laugh and smirk all you want,the K-pop phase I've been having is here to stay!

Time check: 7:25am and ready for bed!

i would usually complain about how the weekends would just come and go before i would accomplish anything concrete for school. but then again, since the holidays are here and despite having school for the whole week(and a GP exam on top of that!), it has been a really loooong weekend this time. and i bet it would be longer if i woke up in the morning..


so i'm putting aside the guilt i'm feeling of sleeping in, missing the Electra play(sorry nizam! ): ) because i was late in supporting Rin for Singapore Idol(sorry Rin! D: ), staying out late(in Mother's eyes) in simpang twice in a row, hardly keeping up with my revision schedule, getting distracted by the accessibility of youtube, satisfying my guilty pleasure of korean boyband(s) and their reality shows and not exercising! grumble grumble.

and now a new week starts which means another week while i grimace in pain. for another week of revision, possibly losing focus, wasting money, not working out enough, eating too much, getting flabby, wasting time, not revising enough, losing focus, wasting money.... sigh.


right now i just need to write shorter sentences.

goodbyes have always been bittersweet for me.


you hate to see your precious ones leave you behind, but at the same time you want what's best for them and for that to happen, you need to let them go and do what's required.
because sometimes people need to make difficult decisions to progress; be it acedemically, emotionally or mentally.

not once have i regretted signing up for ODAC and house comm, and no matter how short-lived it was, it was very well worth it.